The November project 2019, part 15

It had been a rough night. While I did sleep tight, the dream I had towards the morning was about being trapped on an estate – a nice and luxurious one with lots one with lots of nature – but no estate is fine enough to feel safe at if it’s surrounded by a fence and guards carrying guns – aimed towards you – constantly present. The dream was set in bright tones from greenery, strong sunlight and dark brown wood, but also had a heavy feeling of fear and stress. The whole storyline was about an escape attempt, something about how they can’t catch all of us. However, I can’t remember if we actually managed to get outside the borders before I woke up.    I had not been longing for waking up the last couple of months. I was constantly met by darkness, and when the sun eventually did rise you couldn’t actually see it, only the clouds. The rain. But the sight that hit me this morning? Blu sky! Frost! The thermometer showed negative Celsius, something I hadn’t seen since last winter. And now, winter was finally here, for real.    Christmas, however, was something people, stores and cities had pretended it been for a long time. Lights in trees, on houses, in display windows. Poinsettias and amaryllises. Electric candle sticks in every window. Decorations for sale since right after Halloween. It was time. Advent was just around the corner. A week or so passed. People gathered in each other’s homes, brought out the bowls and flour from the cupboards, went to buy chocolate, marzipan, nuts, raisins, cream and extra butter. The ovens were fired up, the baking trays prepared. Soon all the scents could be felt in each room; cinnamon, cloves, ginger, saffron, citrus… the mulled wine cups were clinking, the caramel boiling was under control, saffron buns were being shaped, ginger bread cookies cut out, and everywhere lay that oh so wonderful smell that Christmas sure was on its way. Another week. Wherever I went it seemed like I heard the same songs over and over again. White Christmas, Jingle Bells, Last Christmas, All I Want For Christmas, Silent Night, Oh Holy Night… everything on repeat. It happens every now and then that artists release new Christmas songs, but it is as if they never really break through and stick? Why is that? Is it because Christmas is our way to communicate with times that passed, our late relatives, and that’s why it feels so odd to bring something new to the mix? Even though it happens all the time.    I went among the shelves with everything you’re convinced you need, that actually is unnecessary but still somewhat cute. The music was always there in the background, accompanied by the crinkling of wrapping paper, clinking of coat hangers, the murmur from the crowd slowly making its way through the mall. Poor store clerks, they ain’t got it easy. I wonder how Christmas – and the holiday shopping – would look in a post capitalist society? A couple of days later. Each and every restaurant tempted with Christmas buffets, entertainment, and if you were lucky, your workplace would bring you to one for free. And who was I to say no to that? Long, loaded tables with everything you wanted (and not) – smoked salmon, cheese and bread flavored with wort, deviled eggs, pickled herring, beetroot salad, pates, sausages, ham, potato casserole, meatballs, red cabbage, brown cabbage, vanilla cream rice, clementine and marshmallow santas, Christmas beer and Christmas soda. I was thinking about what I would want on my ideal Christmas buffet, a table with innovation and tradition in harmony, a table where I would have a piece of exactly everything. There would be, apart from the classics: roasted apples, a salad made with red cabbage, carrots, orange and walnuts, three types of salmon, and the meatballs would be vegan, as would the sausages. An explosion of tastes and flavors; sweet, savory, sour, thyme, rosemary, citrus, smokiness, cinnamon, cardamom, ginger… everything in a symphony. Time really passed quickly there towards the end. Suddenly, schools were out, the tree had been fetched, and you had time for the last crafting and decoration; time to roll crackers, braid heart baskets, put cloves into oranges, put up garlands, wrap presents. The fingers were working hard, everything had to be done on time. Cleaning was done from ceiling to floor, the Christmas cloths and hanging fabrics were taken out, as were the tiny elves and santas that got to move in here and there around the house. I personally enjoyed pouring the nuts into the nut bowl; there’s something special about sticking your hand into seeds, dried beans, or in this case nuts. Just like in the movie Amelie you know? Time was ticking. Suddenly the day had come. The tree shone in all its glory, you heard Oh Holy night for the millionth time and weren’t even mad, cracking wood was head from the fireplace, the scent of ham in the oven spread, and the first taste of the rice porridge felt like the fluffiest clouds in the sky. I secretly squished some of the presents, wondering if I would get that watch I’d been talking about. That harmony that I felt there and then, was something that was so familiar, and yet I was able to forget the feeling every year until I got to feel it again. And when that happened… oh, how welcome it was. sense**And I'm DONE! Can you believe it... thank you so much for staying with me through this <3 we'll see how much I'll blog now in December, but I will make an honest try.