May the 4:th be with you

Time flies. I know, I know it's a cliché but still true. I found that whether I'm bored or busy, time does go kind of fast. Which for me just means that I'm happy with my life, grateful. I used to cringe when I was asked what I see myself doing in five years time. I used to reply "mate, I don't even plan for next week, let alone a year or several years ahead!" And guess what? Therapy has taught me this view is partly a product of my childhood experiences. Never (really) having a solid ground I eventually learned that, there's no point in planning anything since my surroundings will soon change anyway. I had taught myself to stay on guard. But then I grew older, started reflecting over my behaviours, and wondered why the heck am I moving around, never satisfied with my surroundings? Albeit, lots of great experiences moving around. But I did grow tired of it! Eventually, (with therapy) I have been able recondition my thinking. I'm able to plan for the near future, even for next year and such. Slow progress is better than no progress. Of course things happen in between and the plan for next year might not happen, but the idea of planning ahead was never an option before which of course ends up being so stressful. Now, I'm able to plan loosely. And it feels great. It feels safe and secure to have a picture in my head, an idea. I have realised I actually don't handle spontaneity all that well. The irony... And for so long I thought being spontaneous was something I was good at, something that was necessary for a fun and exciting life. Sure, spontaneity is fun in small doses, but not when it means uprooting my whole life on a regular basis. That's just exhausting.  So, what are the plans for this year and next? Well, working the summer, Gotland for a week, working on my Master's thesis in the fall, hopefully Spain again in Feb-March 2023, then come back and finish my thesis, work summer or work on my thesis if it isn't finished yet for some reason, apply for work or PhD. And in five years? Some plans in the making for a bigger trip across the equator (insert sunglasses emoji).