Revenge of the Internet Dater

If you caught your boyfriend, husband or lover cyber-cheating, don't get mad. Get even. Haunt him on the internet. Turn up every time he turns on his computer. Become his fantasy woman in every way.  It is so easy when you understand the search habits of the man you want to hurt. Simply join his favorite dating sites, then create a profile featuring everything he wants. Finally, put up his favorite picture of you. Soon you will be popping up every time he attempts a new search. And you always come up as his best match. It worked for me. My boyfriend loved to search, always looking for someone more perfect than me. So I became perfect for him.  In reality, I am a short, petite, brunette, Jewish, 50-something, New Yorker except on my profile. On, I am a tall, thin, blonde, Christian, 30-something mid-Westerner. The only problem is the zip code, each profile gets to enter one. For example, my boyfriend lives in Florida, Michigan and Manhattan. The solution is to join under different zip codes. Finding the perfect picture is a snap. I used his favorite shot of me wearing waders. Yes. I look fat in waders, but he says I look like a model. There’s no accounting for taste. Sites, like eHarmony, ask specifics so it takes longer to think of answers guaranteed to attract your cyber-cheater. Then the fun begins. When my boyfriend went to, my picture popped up as his best choice in every zip code. If he went to eHarmony, I was there. Yahoo, AOL, I covered them all, me in my ugly waders. Of course, every site also asks for a short personal statement. I wrote: “As an avid fisher girl, I caught the love of my life, he threw me back. Now I’m treading water, hoping to hook the right guy.” Fly Fisher Girl 18 hours after I posted my profiles, I checked 396 responses within 18 hours, from anglers all over my carefully selected zip codes. 226 responses on eHarmony. 95 on Yahoo. And so on. Forget my boyfriend. I gained almost a thousand men in America who thought my waders looked cute.  “You are too young for me but if you ever decide to date older, I’d make a great catch.” “I’ve been looking for a woman who appreciates the art of fly fishing. Maybe we can canoe together on the river of life.” “Even in waders I’d like to hook up with you.” I could not stop laughing. Haunting online makes you forget about your pain. As for my boyfriend, he proposed after he got over his anger at my cyber-stalking.  There is a moral to this story. If you want to appeal to an American male, throw out your heels and put on some waders. According to my research, they are the aphrodisiac preferred by most men.