Thoughts in Isolation

Life has an ability to grip you, sometimes tighter than expected. Leaving you breathless and lost for words, as if a situation is just so unfathomable that all simply goes silent. The world is silent now. Although the birds are still chirping outside my window and the waves keep on crashing as I walk along the beach, there is a deafening silence speaking of something greater at play. As a 20-something women, it is strange going through a time that I know I will speak of in the future. Already I can see myself, old of age, whispering stories to my grandchildren about the hours, days and months in which it seemed the world would never be the same. Some bright moments from the past weekAs I feel the constant grip that life has of me, I swing from one extreme to the other. One day, feeling as if though all will be fine and humans are kind. The next day, wondering if this is it, and asking myself where all the hatred towards others come from. I listened to a podcast today, Unlocking Us by Brené Brown, where a man talked about how we as humans tend to view the motivations behind our actions as fuelled by love, whilst we view those of others as fuelled by ill-will, hate or lack of knowledge [or any negative reasoning really]. He went in to depth, discussing how we often see ourselves as coming from a place of love, whilst on the contrary, we believe that those who are doing or thinking differently are coming from a place of harm or hatred. To some extent I see that in the world right now, and that scares me. I am not afraid of a whole lot, but I am afraid of humans who believe the worst of others. Then of course, there are the bright moments. The expressions of love between humans who care, the sun breaking through my window whilst reading my emails, the dog softly resting his head in my knee begging for attention, and the oh so casual ‘how was your day?’ and ‘I love you’ when my partner comes home from work. I have always known that the small moments are important, hell I have been painfully reminded by life at times, but it is first now that I have fully taken that in.It took a lockdown for me to fully appreciate the warmness of my heart after having spent a night with my friends. It took the closing of borders for me to understand how lucky I am to each year be able to travel home to Sweden just so I can hug those closest to me. And it took spending every day within the comfort of my home for me to realise how much I appreciate leaving it.