Some days just suck...

Morning photo shoot, colonic, relation ship trouble & reflections about love <3 Some days just suck hey?For you Swedish people, I don't know if you saw Sune when you were young - but his father used to say that sometimes you need these shitty days to really appreciate and feel when you have the good ones. And I guess there is some truth in that. Life can impossible only be up spiraling all the time. Everything need as a balance. A polarity. My day started very good though. I had a photoshoot with a friend here in KP, taking pictures for her personal brand. Decorating her feminine beauty with flowers. Yesterday I prepared and bought a bunch of very nice flowers and then attended her place at sunrise - and the pictures got amazing!!  Next up was a colonic appointment - my first one. Which I am very happily surprised about. I thought it was going to be uncomfortable and weird - but it was piece  of cake (Swedish saying that something is very easy and flowy)! The woman who was giving the session supported me with constant interesting conversations and  crazy stories and information + a very good stomach massage. This was NOT the last colonic for sure. So much better than enemas.  After me and Manu had planned to go to the beach together, I was early so I went to prepare and buy picknick for us, fruit salad, juices and also flowers to show my appreciation to him. Well, there it started. It was a misunderstanding that lead into a bad spiral of miscommunication. I was standing there alone and he had other plans and I felt not appreciated. It was all a misunderstanding so no blame to anyone. Our thoughts were going into different directions and we didn't understand each other cause of our projections and expectations. Luckily we solved it by grounded communication in the end. But I still felt I needed some space to be with myself so I headed down town to eat falafel. I asked for some extra salad and the Thai woman wanted to charge me double price after I already ate it all. I first questioned it until I gave up. There was no energy for arguing about this. Went to my favorite cafe cause I needed to do some work, bought myself a large expensive coffee with almond milk, sat down to work and then the wifi stopped working. Not my day... I am not complaining. Im just telling you about my day to show that not ALL my days is fabulous. Most are. But some days is just kind of shit.   About relationships. Its really tricky sometimes. Its also the most wonderful thing there is. To share love with someone on a deeper level. But so challenging at times. When these moments appear I find myself thinking "gaaah, it's so much easier to just be alone", getting sensations that I want to run away because he is getting closer and closer into my deepest parts. Uncomfortable emotions poops up and I feel too soft and week. Something I hate is to feel exposed and too emotional - it leads to that I am thinking I am not strong enough. And I have told myself since a very early age "THAT I am a STRONG woman who can deal with everything by myself". Obviously I know this isn't true. Or. I can. But do I want to? No...I guess all of these emotions blossoms just cause I feel so much at the moment. I am so in love with him and it just leads to overwhelmed situations at some moments. I am afraid to loose him. I am afraid that I am not good enough for him. That he will stop loving me. All of these fears.  Since we met it has all been very intense which has been beautiful. From not being in a committed relationship for quite some time to all of a sudden living with someone I am still getting to know. Even though it feels like I have known him for a lifetime - we are still getting to know each other in some levels. We are also functioning very differently as human beings - and this is the part that is equally as challenging and as beautiful. It creates a strong polarity and attraction just cause we are so different. That we are still a mystery for one another in a beautiful way. That he doesn't think as I do. And to learn everything about your partner - the light and the shadows. To see how you two work together, how you can melt together without changing your beliefs as a human. But being in a relationship is very much to become my best version individually and together with that certain someone. Learn how he function and notice that maybe some of my ways of being is maybe not functioning for him in the same way - and then together you can meet in a middle way to be as loving as possible for each other. I love him and I gladly adapt with smaller things if I know it works better for us both. In saying this I am not meaning changing who I am in any way. Just small things - to make the way more smooth for both parts - and to grow together instead of creating more separation.  My conclusion is after all not to run away. It is the biggest learning to be in a conscious relationship with another grounded human being. I am learning so much about myself in his surrounding. He makes me want to be even better for this world. But even though we both have done lots of self work - there is never enough. Cause in a new meeting new unknowns things comes up. The only solution for this is to love. And try to understand. Communication. Openness. But most important - love. And I love. I love lots. And I have no plan to stop <3 Some Tuesday afternoon reflections haha. I think its time for my alone time to end and for me to go home to my man. Sometimes you just need some space to think more clearly. I needed to go out of the house even though everything was solved, just to be with myself for a quick while. To then go back and enter into us with a new energy.  I love love.