The Conscious Play Party

The Play Party First of all - I wasn’t planning to write about this experience at first. Mostly cause something very unexpected happened and also cause of respect to all the other participants that was there. When you attend one of these events - everything that happened there, stays there.  But I like to share a little bit of it, and as long as I write it from my feelings view I decide for now that it's okey.  There was a very beautiful group of people who arranged it. They planned everything with their hearts and all of them from conscious mindsets. A house got rented for the event and we were among 20 - 25 people. Nothing was ever to be forced, you could go there and just have conversations or you could go to explore further. What every that would suit you at the moment and what ever feeling that is right for you at that time. They had a long opening circle were we went through rules, how to say yes and no, spoke about boundaries and limits, about desires and so on. It all was a very safe space, with again - very loving people carefully chosen for the event. So. A little bit of fact, a little bit och background. You get it.  Back to my experience.  I have had explored in sexual situations with more than one person at the same time before, but those moments have happened very organically. Naturally. Without planning and because of attraction at the time. So an event where you actually attend to potentially have sexual interactions with one or many people feels a little bit strange for me. Also I’m very picky with my energy matching. Not so much about looks, but my energy needs to level with someones elses to make me get attracted and turned on. So I was a bit worried that I would go there and not really feeling it. But then me and Franziska decided that that was okey too. That we could go there together and feel the vibe and also have as a main topic to practice saying no. That is always a beautiful practice that is so so so important in our life.  So we decided for a yes. We pimped ourselves in sexy outfits. Me and Franziska had an open circle at my balcony first to set our intentions and to begin our journey together. And I was nervous.  A longer scooter ride out in the jungle and we were there.  So before this me and G (let's just call this man, this ex boyfriend/lover/partner of mine that have keep on pooping up here in my writings - for the letter G, if you have missed those parts here, here and here for a reminder with history and pics) decided to go separate ways and not speak with each other anymore. Which is kind of hard when you live in the same small village for a longer while. But said and done. That was the situation at the moment.  I’m waking up the stairs to the room where the open circle was about to happened. And also where the play party would take place. First thing I see is some people spanking each other, then next - G in the corner. My heart started beating even more and I started to think ”but what the fuck, the only person you spontaneously don’t want to meet at this kind of a event”. I had also already seen the event with all people who were invited, and he wasn’t among those people, so it was really chocking that he was there. But apparently he got invited last minute with his friends. He stood up, came to me and we nervously agreed that this was kind of an odd situation, but found that it was really nice to see each other as well. We joined the group of people, coupled and then it all began. We got paired up two and two, for some practices asking each other what we liked and so on. And this ended up in some form of foreplay instead, since we already know everything about each others sexual desires. Of course I couldn’t resist his sexual energy that just resonates perfectly with mine. Like a loving dance of sexual hormones who can not get enough of each other. He asked if we could try not to hurt each other on this party, my answer was kind of confused, how can you not hurt someone on this kind of party when you still have feelings for one another? Its kind of the weirdest setting to try to play smooth for each other. We decided to start the journey just him and I, and then what every happens happens.  I guess also, for us it got very passionated and loving quick. We found a sacred spot for just us, and we kissed and kissed, our bodies just dancing a long with our obvious attraction. Shorty we had an audience. We didn’t want to invite anyone to join but we got quite a big group watching from different angels. Very up close. So that was new to me. A very different kind of feeling and I don’t know if I like it or not. It was an interesting experience but in some way the connection with your partner looses the depth a little bit. All of a sudden you actually think of how you look. And it get little bit like a show instead. And for sure, how I look when I’m in bed, thats the least thing I’m worrying about. But still a beautiful experience, to also do it with someone you really like. The night ended up just us sharing beautiful lovemaking for a longer period of time, and people came up to us after and really thanked us for such a beautiful session to watch. That our auras were just like a attraction fire work. I guess, if I compared with other people there - people had sex, more in a animalistic way driven by our sexual urge, and we really made love. So I guess that was rare thing to watch in this kind of setting. This obviously ended up in two very confused state of minds. Why did universe place us both here after all that we have been through? Im a little bit disappointed cause I also would have wanted to explore myself with out an ex partner at the same place. But at the same time I’m very happy that I got to experience this with him. We left as not friends. Then we met up an hour later on the beach talking. Agreed the we both loved each other and that we would try to have an exclusive relationship, just us two. Do you hear this?Jumping on this rollercoaster again….  It worked out for 4 days. The moon showed me straight after that I was going in the wrong direction. Some personal stuff happened. After that we had a better ending for each other. We kissed, hugged, cuddled and cried. Agreed that it is not working. Now we have tried everything. Long distance, friends who make love, "open relationship” and closed. We agreed that we both want each other in our lives, don’t know how it will work but we will keep bumping into each other since we apparently have the same interests and favourite places in the world. We didn’t decide for anything, more than just not decide anything. For now this is not working. But we have a lot of love for each other. The end. My shortest relationship in life. But I guess, everything from its start for 9 month ago is a long journey back and forth, and very much a relationship in my life story. I'm trying to avoid titles.  Once again. I'm so grateful for being me, that has been gifted to experience love and attraction beyond understanding. It is really a beautiful thing. Love in all it's outfits. I love learning about life. I would say it's easier to read it all in english, cause google translate doesn't do it really, but here is a link to it <3p&k