Standing up for myself (finally).

As long as I remember, I have prioritised other peoples' need over my own. I even remember in nursery, when I let someone ruin my pillow fort because I wanted other people to like me (see, I had bad self-esteem even then). I remember feeling sad for letting them do it, but also happy because I had made them happy. That's where this whole mess started I guess. Ever since then, I've let other people ask me to do things I'm not comfortable doing, I've let them decide even though I wanted something completely different. I have prioritised other people so much, I've suffered from a burnout and now get anxiety everytime I do something which isn't lying in bed all day. I have a terrible stomach, for which I constantly have to adapt my plans and even cancel things I've been looking forward to. All of this mess because I've gone so far beyond my own will just in order for other people to like me. Even tonight, I was about to do something I really didn't feel like because I didn't want to let other people down. But tonight, for one of the first times ever, I actually said what I thought. Sort of anyway. I still have a fear of being rude so I told a white lie when the person in question didn't understand my reasons for not doing it. But tonight, I prioritised my own needs over others for the first time in a very long time. Before, I have learned where my limits are. My new goal is to let other people know where my limits are. To let my own needs be my first priority, for the first time in forever.