The Power of Positivity!

What a month. Where to start? I’ve realized a lot of new things that I’ve already realized a thousand times before. But sometimes you just have to re-realize them all over again. I have so much to tell you, I just don’t know where to start. But I want to talk about how all new beginnings, must have and end first, even if that end might seem hard and frustrating. Or even hurtful. I was so positive a month ago. I felt good. And I had so many ideas. Me and my husband were making so many plans and then…something happened. I started to feel tired, less motivated, made wrong food choices. It was like someone unplugged my brain. It was so frustrating. I was going up, up so quick, and then…boom. I crash landed. So, I really unplugged myself. Socially. And from social media. That’s why you haven’t heard from me in a while. I’ve spent a month sitting on my bum, just thinking…like really thinking. What do you want Maryam? Do you like your life? What do you want to change? And you know when they say be careful what you wish for? Well this what like that, but “…what you ASK for!” First of all, I wasn’t going in to depression again (like it almost felt like), it just turned out I was pregnant! My first two pregnancies were from hell, I will not talk about that now, but I threw up for 9 months, got preeclampsia both times, me and my firstborn could have died, and blab la bla – from hell! This time I haven’t vomited once. I don’t even have morning sickness. I still have a hard time to grasp that I am pregnant, but we’re delighted over the surprise. Now once the shock has settled. But the hormones are making me sooo sensitive. I cry for litterly everything. But I’ve become thankful and humble over how my view on life has changed, so I cry for joy. Well that’s one of the new things. Finding out that we were pregnant, just threw months of planning out the window. That was little bit hard and frustrating. You know when you set goals and work hard to achieve them and then, poof, you just have to stop whether you want it or not.  So, we had to make new plans. And we made them BIG! We are moving from Sweden. Too cold, too dark, don’t like it. I grew up here, but I never felt really like home. I’m not a winter person, and I can’t stand the darkness. And a lot of other things. My husband and I met abroad, and when the big finance crash happened around 2009 we decided to move to Sweden. Before that we lived and moved around the Canary Islands, and after many and long discussions about where we should go, we’ve decided to go back. And we want to go as soon as possible, like a few months after our third child is born. And we want to be entrepreneurs. Start our own businesses, he in the restaurant business and me in the beauty and health business. And we want to buy land a build, like a small hotel. And believe me we are going to do it!! But we need money. We are closer to bankrupt than millionaires haha. Like most average people.  So, we have to sell our apartment, but not buy a new one, not here in Sweden anyway, so we need a place to live, if we manage to sell our apartment, for a good price of course, which is comical in the decending real estate market. And we soon have three children, and I won’t be able to work, and then its going to be a full year of infant nursing. And it’s this, and it’s that. and if you knew the full story you would just shake your head and be like, yeah good luck you mix of John Lennon & Martin Luther King. Buy hey, aren’t we all more or less dreamers? We have so much against us, that trying to pick it apart and finding solutions just made us feel really down casted. So we’ve decided (without having to put our children’s wellbeing/safety at risk) we’re just going to say fu*k off to all the impossibilities. We’re doing it. We’re jumping. We are taking that chance that we only can glimpse, because no one who ever succeeded with any dream where telling them self – I can’t do it! So Im saying I will do it. I hope you find me crazy enough to following me on this papier mache hot ballong of dreams. Let fly together. If you where here with me I would hug you so hard and try to rub of this feeling that we are having, because we are not afraid of failing. Its not even an option. Good night and BIG LOVE for all of you out there. ❤   Offspring nr 3